In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Truth or Dare.”
Always and never are two words that are more indicative of an agenda then anything else. In my opinion, never and always are not realistic and impossible to maintain. Even when it comes to being honest, if you use never or always, you are already fibbing.
This is a troublesome and controversial subject, and although honesty is most important to me… and I feel unhappy when I deviate from it…. just today I was tempted to create a nice little story when attempting to extricate myself from something that I had previously agreed to. I fashioned a friendly excuse, read it and re-read it and saved it to my drafts. How small of me I thought; hiding behind lame excuses and calling others in to take responsibility for myself.
It took half a day before I mustered up the courage to fess up, tell it like it is, and confess to the fact that I felt the arrangement was off balance and that my needs in the end would not be met. The tension I felt when clicking that intimidating “send” key, was palpable. The instant my email was gone, I felt an immediate stroke of panic. Then it was over. I went quickly to my set mail, and there it was, it had in fact been sent…I re-read it. Oh my, I told it like it was.. shared my feelings bared my all. After all my considerations were complete, I must admit, I felt just a little bit proud of myself… a little more like an adult.. a little more responsible for who I am, and I thought to myself… I was honest.
Why is so hard to be honest sometimes….maybe I don’t think I am worthy of having the feelings that I have. Maybe facilitating others is more important than making sure my needs are met. Maybe I am afraid to say no to people. Maybe making quick decisions does not work for me and I need to just respond with ” I’ll think about it”.
I think being honest is really important… I wish I was better at it. I do not often know the honest answer on the spot and do require more time to ruminate, ponder, decipher, qualify, figure, and peruse. These things take time, sometimes days… new information comes to the surface.
I try my best to be as honest as I can be,…If someone asks me.. “How does this look on me ” I will say great if I mean it, but if I think it looks awful, I might say something like… ” I think you could find something that might look better”…If I know someone really well and we are close… I might say .. ” It sucks” but that would be followed by a laugh, that’s a funny phrase.
Mostly, I do my best… sometimes it is good, and other times, I think… “I could have done better “.
As far as today goes….I am glad I told the truth, and I hope I haven’t lost an acquaintance that might have become a friend, but if I have…then chances are the truth would have come between us sooner or later.